Letting Go — Why So Hard?

Mandy Vevers
3 min readMay 19, 2021
Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash

Why is letting go so hard? That’s a question asked a lot. Often it is due to our self-worth or self-image. Our past forms a significant part of our identity, and letting go feels like removing a part of who we are.

Fear of change

Even if something is no longer working, we don’t want to let go because we fear the change. We feel comfortable with what we know, and anything new is scary.

Letting go is a conscious decision. You have to decide not to keep bringing up the past because this is the only reason it exists. The now is real — everything else is a habitual construct of your imagination.

Feel Your Emotions

How often do you stuff your emotions down inside, never to be seen again? This is not healthy, and it does not allow us to move on. We can find triggers are formed, and rather than dealing with the emotion at the time, they arise elsewhere. Instead, take the time to go through feeling the emotions you have. Let yourself be angry, sad or afraid. These will pass, once they have you will be better able to move on as you have allowed them to be released. When we numb negative emotions, we also numb emotions we want to have. This means we reduce the enjoyment available to us in our lives


Often people think forgiveness is about letting the other person off without any consequences. It’s not. Forgiving someone is more about yourself and releasing the hurt and pain you feel. It allows you to move forward rather than having the event keep pulling you back.

Don’t Wait for an Apology

This goes along with forgiveness. Don’t wait for an apology from a person who has caused you pain. It is likely to never come. Forgive and move on, if you get an apology, that’s a bonus, otherwise take back your power.


Sometimes letting go is about detaching yourself from an outcome. You may have a goal that requires a significant amount of effort to achieve. Remember goals are something you are aiming for. If your goal is big and audacious you may not quite get it. If not reaching your goal will mean you consider yourself a failure, you may be too attached. Goals don’t determine your…

Mandy Vevers

Partner, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend and Life Coach